I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox- - Woody Allen

Day 3: Your first love.

Ugh...I honestly don't really know when I started to realize I could understand the meaning or the feeling of love. I mean of course when you are in 6th grade and you have a boyfriend, that is all you can think about. You honestly believe that you are old enough to feel love for someone in that regard. With that in mind, I would say that my 6th grade boyfriend was my first love, LeShawn. Looking back I have these grandiose memories of him being ever so "hot". I am pretty sure we "dated" for around 4 months, and believe me back then I thought we were going to make it. Then one night my friend, Felicity, and I were at my house having a sleep-over. I received a phone call from LeShawn's brother, Rodney. Rodney said that LeShawn wanted to break up with me but didn't want to talk to me about it. I was devastated. With my heart broken I handed the phone over to Felicity to finish the conversation. After a few minutes she looked at me with a strange face and said, "Rodney wants to go out with you." I was all flustered, what was I to do?

I was sitting confused, and Felicity decided to take things into her own hands. She told Rodney I would "go out" with him. When she hung up I inquired as to why she would tell him such things, her reply was simple, "You were going to say yes, you know that." That was done, I sat there bewildered about how my true love could have broken my heart so.

Not 15 minutes later the phone rang again, it was LeShawn. He was calling to ask why I told him brother to break up with him and that I wanted to date him instead. I cried, I was so upset. I thought my life was over. Rodney and I "dated" until I moved to the Valley of Spokane. (Around 3 months) Only to never see any of them again. However when I am in town and find myself driving on the freeway past their neighborhood, I always catch myself looking around to see if I spot one of them.


As for my first real true love....it is a long, upsetting, heartbreaking story. But today I find myself in a real relationship. I am married to my best friend, a person who knows me inside and out. Who is honestly perfect for me in every way.

Understanding my madness...

Day 2: Meaning behind your blog name

Okay so it really isn't madness at all, just decided to have a retarded opening to this post.

As far as the blog title, there are two different ones. As far as my "Campbell Clan" well I am pretty sure this title has no explanation needed. I mean our last name is Campbell, and we are a clan. (pretty riveting stuff eh?) Just more proof that I am not that thrilling of a person.

As far as my blog title.... "http://emotionalcaseofglassimin.blogspot.com/" Originally I had gotten a title called "iminaglasscaseofemotion". However I am an idiot and set it up all wrong. So I had to go back and make some slight adjustments to this title. This stems from a quote in my husband and my favorite movie. "Anchorman". If you have not seen this movie, well I highly suggest seeing it. If you are of course in a silly state of mind. Otherwise you might find this movie offensive and probably terrible all around. (I never said I had great taste in movies either) Here is a small bit of the movie that has come to produce my wonderful blog title..

Nicole M. Campbell

"Day 1: Introduce, recent picture of yourself, 15 interesting facts."
1. Honestly, starting here is scaring me a little. (I don't find myself interesting enough to have 15 unknown facts be written about me.)
2. I don't like chocolate. I realize most girls, well people, would call me strange. I just don't like the texture, taste and the aftertaste of it.
3. I am addicted to criminal TV shows. I find myself staying up late at night watching shows on Netflix relating to anything criminal or law based.
4. My views on religion and God greatly differ from the way my parents raised me.
5. My daughter was born with Cerebral Palsy and I totally blame myself for it.
6. I am scared of my future.
7. Sometimes when I am alone I talk to myself in foreign accents.
8. I love to sing, and wish I could be a singer. (But too nervous)
9. I have an immensely low self-esteem.
10. I would love to be a personal trainer someday.
11. I am training to run the Utah Valley Marathon in June 2012.
12. I didn't do that great in school, but have no doubts that I am smart. I never went to college, but recently realized that a degree doesn't actually mean you an intellectual person.
13. I don't like asking for help.
14. I think I have depression.
15. I love reading, but also seem to stop reading every book about two chapters before I am finished with it. Then I have to go back and start all over again, just to not finish it that time as well.

Long Time Gone

It has been a long time since my last posting, I guess my life is just busy. There has been a lot going on in my life and I am just trying to wrap my small brain around it all before Sy gets here. Oh that is right, FYI I am having a BOY! I am very excited and can't wait to meet my little son and see what he looks like. He is due on July 22nd, but my doctor has to leave town on the 15th of July so he will be here no later than on the 14th. Which Zoe isn't too excited about because her birthday is the 14th. So meanwhile after my mom gets here I will be doing everything in my power to go to the hospital before this date and have him.

As for Rya, she is doing well. We did have a few appointments for her this last couple weeks. Her neurologist said that she was impressed with her motor skills and state that she believes she is around a 7-8 month old in that area. However her cognitive still are still down around a 5-6 month old. Mostly because at that time she was not saying any constants. We were not sure if this difference was a good thing or a bad thing, and to be honest she was not either. She stated that in all her time doing her job she had never seen something like that before. So she wasn't sure if she could say it was a bad thing or a good thing. I personally decided to see it as a good thing as well as her physical therapist is seeing it that way.

Her rehab appointment also came and I was a bit more nervous about this one. Her SMO that she was first given for her foot really didn't/doesn't seem to be doing any good for her foot. She is way too strong and over powers it when she stands, since it is just plastic. So the doctor gave a script for two new braces. One that will go to all the way up her leg to her knee to give it more stability as well as a soft one for when she is asleep. She was also very disappointed in her tightness with her muscles on the left side. So we started her on a new medication called Baclofen to help her muscles relax and make it easier for us to do stretches with her. We also set up an appointment for her to have Botox injections in a few different places. This Botox should last for 3 months and help a lot to make her stretches work better. After three months we then evaluate the results and decide then if she needs another round. After she receives her Botox the doctor wants us to amp up her PT. Which means anywhere from 3-5 days a week of PT. This is a lot for me and I am feeling very overwhelmed. But we have to do what we have to do, I might start out with 3 times a week to just get used to the situation. As well as work Rya up to the 5 days. But Jon wants to jump into the 5 days right away. Just seems like a lot for me as well as Rya and we will have to come to a happy medium somehow.

Well that is all for now.....sorry my posts are always so long!

Feeling in the Dumps

I am honestly not sure if what I am feeling is the usual pregnancy hormones or honestly true sadness/misery. I have so much "quiet" time at home where I am busy doing physical things, but what it does is allow me to the time to think. THINK!!! Thinking isn't always good to do when your emotions are already down in the dumps. I have all these sad feelings, and I have no outlet for them. I love my family dearly but they are not the best of people to express my emotions.

I don't sleep at all anymore, I am either in the bathroom, listening to my husband snore or waiting for Rya to wake up. So I am exhausted and waking up at 6:30am in the morning or before that. I never get to sleep in anymore and that doesn't help at all.

I am about to embark on a "poor me" session, so you can either chose to stop reading here if you are tired of me complaining or continue to read. Your choice....

I clean my house top to bottom, I spend all day cleaning, I work my ass off. I love a clean house and it feels great and helps me have a better over all attitude. But my family comes home and I can see all of my hard work come apart before my eyes. I don't mind doing the normal cleaning, dusting, bathroom, laundry the stuff that homemakers usually do. What I do mind is doing everyone's dishes after dinner, making dinner, put food away, cleaning the kitchen after, picking up people's shoes, their clothes off the floor, toys, video games, all the stuff they got out themselves. Why am I the maid? Should I wear a maids outfit to just make myself clear?

I don't really have any friends around here. I mean, don't get me wrong. I have friends, but none that are close to me currently. This makes it so that I hardly ever get out and do things with other adults. I do leave my house on a regular basis, but none of these outings are social in anyway. Doctors, doctors and more doctors. This doesn't exactly help my mood....in actuality this makes it worse. Coming home knowing the stretches I have to do with Rya, the new stuff she has to wear, the medicine she has to take. There is a point almost weekly where I want to give up.

We also have been having financial issues, in the sense that we are poor. We don't get paid a lot and living paycheck to paycheck is our life currently. It sucks. We can't do the things we would hope to do and live the life we want to live. Obviously this sucks.

Last, and maybe the least, but not in my eyes. I got one Christmas present. That is right, one. I realize I am adult and so it should not be a big deal to me...well it isn't. But when you receive one gift that you love and are really excited about, you think it is a big deal. Well I got a Seattle Seahawks shirt for Christmas from my mom. This is all I got, well I got a magazine that had recipes in it and replacement glasses for our kitchen. So the only personal present for me was the shirt. Zoe borrowed it to wear, I informed her that she needed to be careful and bring it back the next day. Yeah......it is gone. Nowhere to be found, not at her mom's house and not at our house. What makes me the most upset is that no one cares. She doesn't care, my husband doesn't care, no one else cares. Also, I will never hear an "I'm sorry for losing your shirt". Nothing, I will be made to feel horrible if I am upset and it shows and it makes her upset. I will be the jerk, I will be the mean step-mother because I am upset that she lost my shirt and doesn't care. Maybe I am blowing this out of proportion, oh well. I will just blame it on the pregnancy.

I guess all in all I don't feel like a wife or a friend or a mother at times. I feel like a maid, a cook, a care taker and babysitter. I am sure all mothers have felt this way, or do feel this way. I guess it is my turn, and it sucks. I just wish one day my family would see these things and care, they can even pretend to care. Just show me some love or some sympathy.

Am I asking too much??

Trileptal Side Effects

One of the side effects that Dr. Bennedict, (her neurologist) informed us about was a change in Rya's mood with her seizure medicine. She might become slightly more crabby over time. At first I thought nothing of this because Rya's disposition is always so happy. Well the time has come where I think the medicine and teething are taking a large toll on her attitude.

Don't get me wrong, she is still a happy girl and smiles at almost everyone she sees. However things like bath time, which used to be a wonderful time to relax, has now turned into a hurry up and get her clean and out before she has a melt down. I can't say for sure it is the medicine, or a combination of teething and the medicine. All I know is it is getting more frustrating on a daily basis with her. I am sure someone would come over and see her and think maybe I am blowing this way out of proportion. I am sure compared to children her age she is a wonderful little girl. But I am so used to hardly ever crying and always smiling. It is just kind of running me down lately and it doesn't help that I am feeling more and more fat these days.

Gaining 7lbs in a months time isn't exactly a point of pride....but alas it is what happened. I just wish/hope it won't get out of hand. But the bad part is my hunger seems to be getting more and more out of my control. Oh well....I guess there isn't really a whole lot I can do except give the little baby what he/she wants for the time being and pray it won't go straight to my hips. (too late)

Blood work and rehab

I asked my OB to request for my blood to be tested for the same mutations that Rya has, Factor V-Liden and MTHFR. I went to the hospital and had my blood drawn and was told it would be a couple days. Which I found to be odd because when Rya was tested it took two weeks. Come to find out it was going to take a little longer than the person originally thought. Anyway, all in all I tested negative for Factor V and positive for MTHFR. I am not super sure what this means, but we will try to get into a hematologist to see what they tell me. I am guessing it means the same ask it does for Rya. It isn't something to stress over until it is time to take birth control. But we will see.

Rya also had her first Rehab appointment. I think a lot of people equate rehab with physical therapy or drugs. In this case it is neither. It is actually medical doctors who use things such as Botox injections or orthodics to correct or help improve lives of people living with disabilities. Right now we have a list of things for Rya that we are doing. She is getting a certain type of shoe/brace for her ankle to help straighten it out. She also is getting some special tape to help with this issue as well. And she is getting a splint for her right hand so that she has to focus more on her left hand while playing. Lets all cross our fingers for this. I am not excited however....I don't like listening to her cry.

On a side small note, she got her new glasses and seems to be adjusting okay. She has her moments of attempting to rip them from her face and eat them. But for the most part she doesn't seem to mind them too much.